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Sober Young excels by guiding families through the drug and alcohol rehab process. We help young adults, teens, or adolescents struggling with drug addiction.
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Her letter, and my response, is below.

So my question to you is, can I show up to the date at a bar and tell them THEN and just sip a water while they have a beer? So how do you even get them to meet you!?

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I actually love hearing from weird sober single women. They are some of my favorite pen pals. Weird sober single women have to stick together, because we have something that bonds us in a world where so many people are the same. Most of the dating world looks like this: But before I respond to your questions, I need to assure you: You are not undateable.

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Or rather, the only way you could be undateable is if you made yourself that way. I chose that for a while. I put up the force field and holed up on my couch with my documentaries and my creamy pasta. Being undateable was magnificent. Nobody could hurt me. Women who drink are cool. Women who drink are fun.

Some of my favorite women — famous and in real life — are drinkers, which is part of why it meant so much to me to be one of them. When I gave up drinking, I thought it meant that I became the opposite. I was NOT cool. I was NOT fun.

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  • This is a lie. I have seen many women get sober now, and I know they only get better: Their hearts grow in surprising ways. They become more reliable friends, better listeners, kinder and more forgiving people. To him we say: They just saved you time and effort by telling you exactly who they are, which is someone who has no interest if sex is not on the table immediately, which is a small-minded, douchebag way to be.

    Or maybe these hypothetical bar-only men are not douchebags. You are staring down an undisclosed health issue possibly a big deal and the major lifestyle change of no longer drinking definitely a big deal. You need more from the men you date, not less.

    “I fear I’m becoming undateable”: Letter to a young sober woman

    My standards were not always so high. The ones I sometimes met in a bar and banged. I liked the drama of having men around, even questionable ones, because it made me feel desirable and exciting. When I quit drinking, I had to give up the idea of hanging out with those guys for three or four weeks, maybe-sorta seeing if my feelings changed, if something magical happened to make me like them more, or vice versa.

    When you stop drinking, you lose the luxury of such pretending.

    Young and sober: Drinking on the wane for Australian teens

    This turns out to be a small sacrifice. I liked getting it out of the way; other people keep it under the hat. I can make arguments either way. Others I had to recognize as friends who were perhaps sick like me also, and rationalizing their behaviors with support may have kept them in denial as well.

    Coming in AA young many of us were not in a position to lose the wife, lose the house or the six-figure salary. We had reached spiritual bankruptcy long before those were attainable. Finding ourselves in recovery and never having a legal drink, sometimes suggests the lengths we may have gone to in order to get a sense of ease and comfort without being at the legal age. However, many young people are alcoholics or addicts without being Try it first before you make a decision. Go to at least six meetings in different part of town and listen for the similarities.

    How Our Helpline Works

    If you like the beach, go to meetings by the beach. Do you feel more comfortable with just a few people instead of a crowd or vice-versa? Try smaller meetings or big speaker meetings. Look in the AA Meeting Directory to find the right meeting for you. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment, which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery followed always by still a worse relapse.

    Getting Sober Young Isn’t Social Suicide

    Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. Groups of sober friends form everywhere and go to baseball games together, surf, date, attend movie nights, host parties and have a ton of fun. There is never a dull moment in sobriety. Many young people misinterpret the word alcoholic, thinking it pertains only to alcohol abuse. Yet the disease of alcoholism runs deep within thinking and perception.