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The bumbling Raziel from this novel later is the title makes an appearance in Lamb as the servant of.
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Christopher Moore's insightful and creative look into the life of Jesus has become one of my "top ten all-time favorites" in the fiction category. Lamb is precisely that: It is by turns historically accurate and anachronistic, biblically reliable and remarkably imaginative, and always a rollicking ride.


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The premise of the book: He ends up in the United States in the late twentieth century, being watched over by the angel Raziel in a hotel room. While Raziel watches daytime television with nearly unparalled obsessiveness, Biff writes his Gospel. According to Biff, the untold years of Jesus' boyhood and young adulthood were rich with adventures and filled with insights into the person and the character of the Messiah. Through Moore's astonishing imagination and keen sense of Jesus here called Joshua , the reader encounters the Messiah as a young man who is searching for his way in the world, deciphering his unusual vocation, and always bearing God's heart of love and compassion for the world.

The book opens on the first day that Biff met Joshua. They were six years old, with Joshua "the man who would save the world" busy bringing a lizard back to life, again and again, after his little brother "smote it mightily" with a rock. This opening scene speaks clearly about the Jesus portrayed in this story: In one particularly marvelous scene, for instance, Biff and Joshua find themselves in a market in Antioch. Joshua decides to practice his healing skills on the unsuspecting crowd, and ends up running haphazardly through the throng of people, healing them as he goes, and finding extraordinary joy in the experience.

Ooo, that guy was just stinky. When Biff admonishes Joshua to stop this behavior due to the risk of his being found out, Joshua replies with a mixture of bliss and helplessness: And therein lies Moore's best insight into the heart of God, embodied in the person of the Messiah. Whenever there is a moment of doubt, Joshua errs on the side of compassion and empathy; it is simply his nature to do so. This occurs again in two very troubling passages in which horrific violence leads to rampant death.

In the face of the brutality of the world, Joshua heals people, saves children from the carnage of sacrificial death, and screams out, "No more! A large portion of the book contains stories of the adventures which Biff and Joshua have while visiting the three wise men who, according to tradition, were the first gentiles to see the baby Jesus in Bethlehem. And we also get treated to a rough draft of The Sermon on the Mount apparently Jesus really wanted to bless all the dumbshits, but got vetoed. This book is highly recommended.

View all 4 comments. Nov 19, Jonathan rated it did not like it. It's too easy to earn praise by casting stones. I can't stand this type of comedic writing with its obvious set-ups and zingers and formulaic irreverence. Witness the last lines para [I'm considering taking down this review, as I'm not happy that my most "liked" review is a negative one. Witness the last lines paraphrased here: Christ stands for Hallowed. I thought it stood for Harvey. View all 13 comments. Jun 26, Jason Koivu rated it liked it. Mel Brooks and Monty Python have been there, done that.


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  7. Christopher Moore retraces the steps of those comedy greats of the past in his Lamb: That being the case, Moore's book travels a well-trodden path and so the laughs ju Mel Brooks and Monty Python have been there, done that. That being the case, Moore's book travels a well-trodden path and so the laughs just didn't come for this reader.

    Certainly it was an enjoyable enough read. It wasn't until the end that I had to push myself to finish what was becoming an increasingly dry, straight up retelling of Jesus' crucifixion. Prior to that, Moore takes a few popshots at other religions during the son of god's trek through self-discovery and sometimes his aim is true. When you hear and read a great deal of praise for a writer, as I did for Moore, your expectations rise to an unreasonable height. I'm afraid mine were higher than he could reasonably obtain. View all 10 comments. Nov 02, Shannon Giraffe Days rated it it was amazing Shelves: A deceptively slim-looking book but one that is absolutely heavenly to hold - no pun intended - with it's glossy floppy cover and delicate leaves , Lamb is, as the title says, the fictional story of Christ's childhood as told by his best friend Levi who is called Biff.

    Whether he liked it, got it or appreciated it, I couldn't say, but it's a possible inspiration. It doesn't have the clever wit or irony, or the sheer genius of Brian, but it does have the irreverant humour. That aside, Lamb is a great story, made up but oddly plausible. Keeping to the "known" facts and not interested in questioning your faith in any grand or cynical way, Lamb is told by Biff, resurrected today by an angel so he can write down his version of events.

    Given the gift of tongues, Biff writes it in contemporary American idiom, which saves the story from being dry and boring. He claims to have invented sarcasm, and encourages Joshua later Jesus to have a sense of humour. The best bit about this book, though, are the adventures the two friends have. At about 13, they set off to find the three Wise Men who had been there at Joshua's birth, in order for Joshua to learn how to be the Messiah.

    They spend years in a cave-like fortress in Afghanistan with Balthasar, more years at a Budhist temple in the mountains with Gaspar, and yet more time in India in nooks in a cliff with the seagulls learning from Melchior. They learn Confuscius from Balthasar, Biff learns about poisons and alchemy from Balthasar's Chinese concubines, and they encounter a very hungry demon They meditate and study Budhism from Gaspar as well as kung-fu and "Jew-do" because Joshua doesn't want to hurt anyone and encounter the last Yeti; and rescue children from the Hindu god of destruction, Kali, before finding Melchior, who teaches Joshua how to fit himself inside a wine bottle and multiply food - which comes in handy later, that's for sure - while Biff learns the Kama Sutra.

    Biff is the perfect counter-point to the more serious, naive and well-meaning Joshua, whose mother brought him up from birth to believe his father is God, not her husband Joseph. Although Moore admits it's hard to write a story set in this time and place because of the lack of knowledge of the period, he does an admirable job and it's entirely believable.

    I did find it a slow read at times, but I definitely found myself laughing as well. It also gave the best explanation of the Holy Ghost, or Holy Spirit, that I've ever heard, and suddenly it makes more sense. More to the point, though, it makes Joshua - Jesus - more human, and thus more sympathetic. That matters to me, though it might not to other people.

    It got so that I found myself really caring for this character, and the others - especially Maggie the Mary Magdelene , their friend from childhood. The final scenes, when you're suddenly reminded of how the story ends, creep up on you and settles like a lump in your throat, and I totally felt for Biff and understand why he did what he did at the end - though interestingly enough, despite all he'd seen Joshua do, and despite the fact that he had always believed in him, he did not believe Joshua could really bring himself back from the dead.

    And so, in the end, he did not have faith.

    Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

    Despite Biff's silly humour and the occasional fart joke, Lamb is written with maturity, compassion and skill. The setting, landscape and supporting characters immerse you in the story, the period and the upheavels. More to the point, it's a nice comforting thought that Jesus might have had as good and loyal and silly a friend as Levi who is called Biff.

    This is an hilarious take on the missing years of Jesus, known as Joshua bar Joseph in this account. The four gospels which mad it into the New Testament miss three decades of the Messiah's life. Only two of them say much about his birth, one describes a brief episode when Jesus was about twelve where he spends some time in discussion with the elders in the synagogue, but they largely concentrate on the short years of his ministry leading up to his crucifiction and resurrection.

    Lamb is an accou This is an hilarious take on the missing years of Jesus, known as Joshua bar Joseph in this account. Lamb is an account which is written by Levi, known as Biff, who is Joshua's best friend throughout his life. There are so many funny stories within the whole, and it would just spoil it for you if I were to repeat them here. You really have to read the book to find out. However, I just can't resist telling you that Joshua takes his time to refine his magic to the level that he can perform the miracles of his latter years.

    For example, the first resurrection that he performs is very short-lived excuse the pun , but the Roman soldier lives long enough to identify his real murderer and free Josh's step-dad, Joseph. The are lots quotes from books that you've never heard of if you have read the Bible, such as Amphibians, Dalmatians and Excretions.

    The description of how Biff and Josh spend a whole week writing the speech that has become known as The Sermon on the Mount, is so very funny. Not for what was eventually included, but for those groups who were left out, such as the wankers and the dumbfucks. Believe me, that is not the funniest part of the book. The adventures that the two of them have in the years between their childhood and the period described by Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are great. Moore is very creative. The only small criticism that I have of the book is that there were times when I felt that it was too long.

    However, I have to admit that when I finished the final page, I would have liked more. View all 19 comments. Feb 16, Kristen Boers rated it liked it Recommends it for: Remember back in 9th grade when you wrote a wonderful, insightful papers for every assignment and then, eventually, you got cocky, got drunk on your own brilliance, got sloppy and lazy with self assurance?

    And, inevitably, your next paper would come back with a comment from your teacher that went something like this "Accurate, and mildly interesting, but doesn't compare with your previous work There's a Remember back in 9th grade when you wrote a wonderful, insightful papers for every assignment and then, eventually, you got cocky, got drunk on your own brilliance, got sloppy and lazy with self assurance?

    There's a really lovely forward to this book, inviting believers and non believers alike to enjoy the book, take what they need from it, disregard the rest. The story's protagonist is not Christ himself, but his best buddy Biff, brough back from the dead by an angel of the Lord. The reason for Biff's resurrection is that the Powers that Be Uh, God has decided that the Bible doesn't really tell us enough of what happens to Jesus between the time He's born and around 30, when He becomes a big deal with His proclaiming to be the Son of God bit.

    So, Biff is brought back by the angel Raziel to write the Gospel According to Biff, giving us an insight to Jesus from the man who knew him best. What a great idea. It's such a great idea, that as a writer, I'm jealous and annoyed I didn't come up with it first. Anyone unclear as to why they've never come across a "Biff" in their readings of Leviticus or Matthew should note that the protagonist's real name is Levi.

    He's just called Biff. Just like Jesus Christ, who's name in Hebrew translates to Joshua. At first I thought this was a clever trick of Moore's, enabling the reader to see past what we already know about Jesus Christ by giving that character a new name. That was, of course, before I got to the chapter where Joshua and Biff are living in a desert fortress with one of the three Magi and seven Asian concubines.

    Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore

    You read that sentence correctly. Incidentally, that's where it all went down hill for me. The early chapters are full of clever twists on things we already know or think we know about the life of Jesus in 5 B. We meet a young Mary Magdalene, and surprise surprise, she does have a crush on the Boy Who Would be the Savior, but her story take a delicious turn I didn't see coming and won't spoil for you.

    We also meet Jes.. The world of Joshua and Biff is contextualized for us, made relatable, by modern day Biff, reminiscing not only on his childhood but trying to compare it to this strange world he suddenly finds himself alone in. Then, with almost no warning, the innocent reader is thrust into a world of sex, drugs, and kung fu. My complaint is not with the sex, drugs, kung fu, meditation, yaks, human sacrifices, and bull violating but with the seemnig randomness in the story.

    It's like Moore got a little too comfortable with how well he was going and jumped the shark. Who cares iff it doesn't fit in history, this is fiction after all, but it doesn't fit in the narration. As the book goes on, we touch in less and less with modern day Biff, losing our conduit to the world that is slowly but sreuly getting more outlandish and harder to stay connected with.

    There are the last four chapters, with the ending we all know, slapdashed on the page as if the author has to interest in them himself, so why should we? And then the books over. Arguably, that is the author's point. This book, Biff's Gospel, is about Joshua's life, not his death, and neither Moore, nor Biff, will give us the safisfaction of retreading every moment of the end, like some perverse literary "The Passion of the Christ.

    The charm of the book, of Biff himself, is that he treats his pal like anybody else He treats Joshua as his best friend in the world, but not as the Savior. By repriving the reader of the true anguish at the death of a best friend, Moore looses something His book had smarts and it had charm. What it's missing is heart. A more detailed ending could have given us that. Without it, the book was accuate and mildly interesting View all 9 comments.

    Jan 08, Matthew rated it liked it Shelves: Good book - not great - especially when comparing it to other Moore books I have read. I enjoyed his Shakespeare satire better than the biblical satire - maybe because Shakespeare lends itself more to that. Most of the stars I have given are for the beginning of the book and then the last third of the book. Jesus Joshua as a child and the retelling of the gospels from a different viewpoint were really interesting and it is obvious that Moore did his research.

    The middle part of the book - where Good book - not great - especially when comparing it to other Moore books I have read. The middle part of the book - where Biff and Joshua go in search of the wisemen kind of drug on and wasn't as interesting - but took up most of the book. So, I can say if you are a die-hard Moore fan or you enjoy satire, give this one a go. Otherwise, proceed with caution!

    View all 6 comments. Second time reading this book and it is still one of my favorites. Christopher Moore weaves you through all of the major religions and all the while you are laughing your ass off. You can't say that about most religious books View all 7 comments. Sep 09, Algernon rated it it was amazing Shelves: What puts Lamb above the crowd for me was the surprising fact that this is not actually a lampooning of religion but a genuine attempt to capture the spirituality and the fervour of the original Gospels.

    It is also a proof that, despite claims from Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter fans, the Life of Jesus remains The Greatest Story Ever Told, able to capture the imagination and the hearts of readers two thousand years after it was first copyrighted. As to why Moore has chosen comedy in order to tackle such an important subject, the answer may be found in the Voltaire quote he has put on the first page of the book: God is comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.

    In the dispute between the theories that we are put on Earth to learn about suffering or that we are supposed to enjoy the brief time in the sunlight, Moore votes emphatically on the later. In order to focus solely on the project the angel locks himself with Biff inside a modern motel room with only a television set for entertainment.

    Talk shows featuring the screaming ignorant, soap operas, and wrestling. The setting serves a double scope in underlining the shallowness of popular entertainment and the need of the younger generations to be presented with adequate role models. What hero could touch these children anyway, with their machines and medicine and distances made invisible? For Biff the answer can be only one, his childhood friend Joshua, the boy who conquered his young heart in the dusty street of Nazareth: Love without desire, or conditions, or limits — a pure and radiant glow in the heart that could make me giddy and sad and glorious all at once.

    Biff is lecherous, assertive and impulsive where Joshua is idealistic, self-doubting and contemplative. They complete each other like the Chinese ying and yang symbols, but I am getting ahead of the story, it will be some years before they reach China. The plot in the opening chapters and in the last chapters is surprisingly close to the original Gospels, and the setting is convincing and rich in details, not only geographical, but also political and ethnographical, showing us how serious was the author in his research for the novel Moore went to Israel to get a better impression of the country and of its people.

    The point where the novel diverges sharply from the established Gospels is in the theory that Joshua needed to learn how to become a Messiah and so he set out in search of knowledge from the three wise men that have reportedly showed up at his birth. Biff and Joshua leave Nazareth, after some trouble with the Roman occupiers and after some romantic complications with Maggie aka Mary Magdalene, who starts by delivering the memorable one liner: For twenty years the duo will travel from one wise man to another, apprenticing themselves first to Magician Balthasar who keeps a demon locked in his mountain fastness and prolongs his life by sleeping with beautiful young maidens.

    The three jewels of the Tao: Balthasar said compassion leads to courage, moderation leads to generosity, and humility leads to leadership. The next of the wise men lives also on a sacred mountain, close to the Great Wall of China. The lessons of Gaspar deal with the wisdom of Buddhism, but they also teach an early version of Shaolin style kung-fu to the duo, and gives Joshua an opportunity to learn about mercy and tolerance towards others, towards strangers and towards diverging opinions.

    An episode with a Yeti is among the most humbling and emotional passages in the novel. Of course, Biff goes his own way and still gets in trouble with women even when locked in a monastery with only a hairy yak for company. The last Magi is to be found in India: Melchior is Hindu yogi who teaches the value of renouncing the materialistic world and releasing the power of the mind, including how to make yourself invisible and how to multiply a grain of rice or a loaf of bread.

    Biff has his own separate lessons, studying the Kama Sutra page by page with a temple prostitute. This section of the picaresque oriental adventures of the duo also touches on poverty, the social destructive caste system and the danger of worshipping blood thirsty deities who demand human sacrifices Kali. I may have gone too fast through the twenty years Biff and Joshua spent travelling, learning and having wonderful adventures, so I will let the author put the whole journey in perspective. My sending Joshua and Biff to the East was motivated purely by story, not by basis in the Gospel or historical evidence.

    I decided on this not because it is not as important or as well rendered as the rest of the novel, but because the events and the characters should be familiar to most readers from the New Testaments. Moore manages to make the 15 Apostles according to Biff human and funny and vulnerable and earnest, infusing fresh blood in a story that has been twisted and turned around already by various branches of later Christianity according to their own political agendas or deep seated prejudices. Some readers might still feel outrage at the irreverent and unorthodox treatment of the events in the New Testament and about a new Gospel aimed at the 21st century audience.

    To them I offer the last quote of Biff, following one of his particularly risque repartees fans of Monty Python might recognize the reference: Grow a sense of humor. View all 3 comments. Aug 03, Lori rated it it was ok. Listened to this on audiobook during a recent road trip. This book reminded me of a Saturday Night Live skit: It's highly irreverent and very funny. The first third is also thought-provoking and quite sweet. I really enjoyed the depiction of Joshua Jesus as a child, trying to come to grips with his abilities, with whether or not he really is the son of God and what, exactly, that means for him and for his people.

    Also loved the friend Listened to this on audiobook during a recent road trip. Also loved the friendship between Biff, Joshua and Maggie Mary Magdalene as childhood pals, teasing and protecting each other, secure in their places in a tight Jewish community even while they bump against its strictures. I liked the author's idea of exploring Jesus' young-adulthood, the part of his life that is a big blank in the Bible. Joshua and Biff leave home to explore other places and cultures, with Joshua taking ideas and teachings and wisdom from those other places and cultures and incorporating them to form his own gospel.

    Joshua grows into a man and comes into his own on this physical and spiritual journey. But this is also where the book became too ridiculous for me to suspend belief and remain immersed in the story. Fun to read, naughty and funny, but I missed the thoughtful undertone of the beginning of the book, and I increasingly wondered why Biff remained unaffected by all of his time and shared expereiences witih Joshua. Biff was the ultimate loyal friend, sure, but he remains a caricature--a horny wisecracker.

    Likewise all of the other apostles--the depictions are funny, but they remain totally flat and buffoonish. I wanted them to really feel something, to question, to show emotion beyond their one-word stereotypes the village idiot, the fanatic, the penny pincher, the surfer It felt like the author got tired and resorted to goofball humor rather than trying to tackle a more serious effort to explore the different reasons these men took up with Joshua and what they may or may not have believed and understood about the ministry they helped create.

    The ending was also a letdown. The author seems overwhelmed by how to handle the known story of Jesus' trial and crucifixion. Biff's lack of dimension really comes out here, as the narrative degenerates into Biff's desperate, frantic chase to prevent Joshua from killing himself. It felt like the author didn't quite know what to do with Biff once he arrived at the end of Jesus' life and what he does decide to do to tie it up was disappointing.

    Recomendado a toda a gente com mais de 18 anos! I really like "alternative stories", either related to real History or even to fairy tales e. Apply this concept to one of the most interesting and controversial in my opinion historical characters - Jesus Christ - and sprinkle a generous dose of humour and you get an almost foolproof recipe. As the author explains in the end of this edition, the idea to write this book emerged from the realization that there are almost no records concerning Jesus' life until he was 30 years old.

    He "just" needed to do some research including a trip to Israel, which he describes in the end of the book and put his imagination and fingers to work. There's a lot of funny scenes in this book, but the preparation of the Sermon on the Mount is priceless! And there's also some philosophy, and romance, and drama.

    I recommend it to everyone over 18! Feb 23, smalls rated it liked it. OK, I finished the book!

    Let's Read Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal - 00 Prologue

    All in all, it was ok for me. I laughed a lot in the beginning Your mother needs someone to look after her, and she's still a relatively attractive woman. I mean a guy could do worse. I laughed so hard! It got slow for me while he was visiting the wisem OK, I finished the book! It got slow for me while he was visiting the wisemen. But I did laugh once in a while. Definately not as much as in the beginning.

    I was nervous reading the part during His ministry. Being a Born Again Christian, I knew this could be difficult. I did struggle with a few things, and to me they were important. Well, at least two things. First, the scorging, "At least it wasn't a Roman scourge they lashed him with. He took thirty nine lashes, but it was just leather, not the lead -tipped whip that the romands use.

    It was the Romans scourging so it was a roman scourge. Pieces of glass and metal shards are embedded in the leather strips, and they rip through the flesh. Important to me because I want others to know how bad the penalty for our sins was. Second part was the crusificiton, the poisen. This is a fictional work. Moore did do a lot of research for this book as well.

    And I always have to take a stand on the belief of the real death and resurection of Jesus. I found myself praying that the book wouldn't go that route. But it did, and you are lead to believe that he drinks it. Thankfully Moore didn't let the ending be the poisen. Now that that is said, I would like to say that I loved that no matter how raunchy the book got, or made me shake my head, the ending was still sad.

    His followers didn't get it, didn't want to believe it even. It ripped them to shreds inside. With how the book was going,I kept expecting humor in the crusifiction, but it was well done emotionally.

    Questions?

    If there was a poisen that could work like that, I would have wanted to try it to save Him too. It is too much to fathom that the person you have been friends with for even the time that the real diciples were with Him, was going to have to bear that torture, and then to understand He was coming back, and that it was being done to save the world, I wouldn't have gotten it either.

    Because of the Bible, those who believe have hindsight. I really appreciated that Moore stayed true to at least the tragedy and pain that His friends had to wittness.

    KIRKUS REVIEW

    Jesus swearing as a kid, didn't seem to bother me quite as much as it did as He aged. Once the book got to the part that is written, it was much harder for me to find the humor in certain things. But there were some. Like when Biff talks about his mom and Joshua says, "she still plagued with demons? Thanks for letting me read the book. It was interesting and at times fun. I will still reccomend it to one more of my friends who I know can handle it as a Born Again believer. But it is definately a book I have to be careful of recomendations.

    Only because so many "Christians" that I know would have a fit reading this book. But I did pass it on to a friend of mine, who is a christian, but who also has a great sense of humor. View all 5 comments. I should probably start this review by saying that I found this book in what I now think is probably the most inappropriate place possible..

    I'd wanted to read this for a long time, but whenever I browsed the Moore books in the adult section, it was never to be found. I always figured, "Eh, someone probably has it checked out I'll snag it next time. I was foolishly thinking that my library would shelve a mature book full of extremely I should probably start this review by saying that I found this book in what I now think is probably the most inappropriate place possible.. Apparently the word "childhood" in the title qualified this as YA.

    But here's what I find most interesting Either the kids who've checked it out are wise enough to keep their mouths shut to their parents about what their reading material contains, or this book looks boring enough that not a single kid has actually read it. I live in a pretty Christian area. It's no bible belt, but people here take God seriously. I'd never even heard of some of the religious dietary restrictions that people practice here. Something to get used to, you know?

    So anyway, I say this to point out that had any one of the kids who may have read this book actually tipped their hand, there would be outrage. Because not only should this book have a NC rating if ratings were given, which I would very much disagree with , it turns Jesus's short life, and the nature and origins of the Christian religion on it's head, and could make many people very angry.

    This book practically begs to be banned So of course I loved it. I was giggling like mad through big chunks of this book, and in places where the action dragged a little, the humor kept everything moving right along.

    MORE BY CHRISTOPHER MOORE

    Biff is the kind of person that everyone wants around. He's hilarious and stupid, and hilarious because he's stupid. His goal in life was to be a professional mourner, or failing that, a village idiot. Biff, sadly uncredited, created sarcasm. Where would I be without him?? I'd have no way to communicate at all!

    I'd have to grunt and point at things. The story starts with Biff watching Joshua aka Jesus healing a poor lizard in his mouth after his younger brother brained it with a rock. He then gives it back to the brother, who brains it, J heals it, and the cycle continues. Starting off on a properly blasphemous foot, yeah? We follow J and Biff as they both meet and love Mary Magdalene, learn stonemasonry, witness a murder, try to raise the dead and have many adventures and acquire much learning. Much of this learning comes from ancient Chinese philosophy and Buddhism, so there was a lot of meditation and sitting and thinking and sitting.

    The story ends, of course, with the crucifixion, which brought a tear to my eye, even though it was not drawn out or graphic or gory. It was just that, reading that section, you could feel Biff's love and devotion and agony for Joshua, and my empathy nerve kicked me in the tearduct.

    If you believe that it did happen, of course. I'm down with Jesus being a real person, I'm just not sure about the "Son of God" part. Anyway, here are some quotes by no means all of them that had me cracking up: Biff is frustrated trying to learn to speak hip-hop from MTV. Is 'ho' always feminine, and 'muthafucka' always masculine, while 'bitch' can be either? How many peeps in a posse, how much booty before baby got back, do you have to be all that to get all up in that, and do I need to be dope and phat to be da bomb or can I just be 'stupid'?

    I'll not be singing over any dead mothers until I understand. I think that when I'm a man, and your father dies, I will take your mother as my wife. I like her blue cloak. I'll be a good father, I'll teach you how to be a stonemason, and I'll only beat you when you are a snot. Be nice to your father, Joshua bar Biff" -- my own father used my full name like this when he was trying to make a point -- "Is not the word of Moses that you must honor me?


    • ?
    • .
    • !

    It's Joshua bar Jehovah! I didn't want my only son I planned to sell Judah and James into slavery to be stoned to death for uttering the name of God in vain. I won't marry your mother. In those early days, before he had become who he would be, Joshua smote me in the nose more than once. That was the first time. Joshua cannot know a woman in that way , so Biff tries to teach him about the sin of fornication by proxy. Back out at the front of the inn I shopped for my teaching assistant.

    It was an eight-harlot inn, if that's how you measure an inn. I understand that now they measure inns in stars. We are in a four-star inn right now. I don't know what the conversion from harlots to stars is. Harlot is selected, and brought into a stall, with Joshua in the next stall, listening Do you feel sinful? Is it like Satan rubbing against you? Does it burn like fire? That pretty much has it. We're going to stay here until you learn what you need to know.

    This is the kind of stuff that just had me cracking up. If you aren't the squeamish or easily offended type and sorry if you are, for all the above stuff , you should read this. Feb 22, Wayne Barrett rated it liked it Shelves: Moore did a great job creating a fictional character I say that even though I am one of those who believe that Jesus was also a mythical character and inserting him into the early years of Jesus H.

    The more you know your bible stories the more this book will entertain or offend you. The biggest problem with the story, and one that keeps me from giving this a higher rating, is the center of the book where Josh Jesus and 3. The biggest problem with the story, and one that keeps me from giving this a higher rating, is the center of the book where Josh Jesus and Biff go on a search for the 3 wise men.

    The humor here did nothing for me because I found no connection with the popular bible story. If you are someone like my wife who was not raised in a religious family and knows nothing about the Christian bible, most of the one liners and humorous quips here will zoom right over your head. But for someone like me who sat in Sunday school classes filling in pages of coloring books with an assortment of brightly colored crayons when all I really needed was brown, brown and brown This was my first Christopher Moore book and this was good enough that I will certainly be looking forward to trying some more of his work.

    Jan 09, Emelia rated it it was amazing. Yes, it was enlightening. This was a book that was full of not only humor, but historical facts, which delighted me to no end. A good friend asked if I thought it was sacrilegious, I paused to really consider the question.

    My answer is, not at all. Why wouldn't the messiah have a sense of humor? As the book reminds us of the quote by Voltaire "God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh". So,back to the book: We meet Levi aka Biff named for the sound made by Biff's Mother smacking him on the back of the head in a hotel with the Angel Raziel eating pickles and explaining to Biff why, after 2, years, Biff has been raised from the dead. Biff is needed to write a gospel.