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Table of contents
- In a Relationship with a Narcissist? A Guide to Narcissistic Relationships
- How Do You Know If Your Husband Will Cheat on You?
- Ed Sheeran talks about substance abuse and his accident
You couldn't help getting caught up in the excitement of seeing the Beatles. Objections to immigration reform that did surface in the media focused on the individual plights of otherwise law-abiding permanent residents caught up in the system because of minor immigration violations. Tram Nguyen looks for the connections. They were caught up in extraordinary times, of course, but the men and women who made the movement were not born saints and martyrs: They were, at first, just like anybody else.
My husband has cheated on me twice cheat. He promised me he would never hurt me like that again. That was in In my dad died and I went to stay with my 81 year old mom for a couple of weeks to help her. She was ignoring her health to take care of my dad before he passed. I took her to her dermatologist and she was diagnosed with melanoma on her cheek. She had multiple skin grafts. During this time I came home every few weeks for a couple of days. I asked my husband and he denied everything and said that person was lying.
Those months turned into 18 months. I continued to receive texts and my husband continued to deny everything. The first time he cheated he was always criticizing me, like I could do nothing right. And he would just say mean things to me out of the blue. So I knew something was going on. I was fed up with this nonsense so I called her. What a shock when I found out that they had been having a relationship for the whole time I was gone.
She thought we were separated. My being at my moms gave home the perfect excuse. She fell in love with him. She was so sorry. We talked for over 3 hours. They had a full blown sexual relationship. He lied to both of us. She was betrayed, used, and lied to also. He told me he still loved me and that he had an affair because he missed me!
We have been married 26 years. He has cheated on me twice. And I still love this man. I took him back. They know that he has cheated again. They know that I have forgiven him again. Well 3 months later, the meanness, snippyness is back. I asked him why he was being so mean to me. I feel that gut feeling again.
I really think he is still seeing and communicating with her. I think he is trying to make it so hard for me that I divorce him. He refuses to get a test for STD. I really think he has planned it this way. I hate to feel this way. I hate to know that I have trusted him again just so he can play this sick game with my feelings.
I have tried to talk to him and tell him that the way he talks to me hurts me. But he insists he treats me fine. Deep down inside I know what I need to do. I feel so sad, so empty, so mad at myself for giving this man my heart again. You should try and contact the mistress again and see if he did go back to her. Relationships are based on a lot of things, and trust is one of the more important ones, if the trust is gone, the relationship will start to stumble.
He needs to work on regaining your trust back. We were married in I went through IVF myself and the fertilized embryos did not stay with me. I got pregnant after that and had a miscarriage. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, then lost my job of 27 yrs, due to my disability almost 2 yrs ago. I became severely depressed. Only now to find out my husband is having an affair and spent our matromonial money to have a child with someone else. I am so broken and will not be able to support myself mentally or financially.
He laughed at me and called me a looser. He is gone now. I am so sorry. To have ones heart broken so cruelly by the one person who is suppose to love you and not hurt you. We have different stories but the pain we feel is the same. I hope you are doing ok, your post was so recent. Hello, I am a 25 year old that got married at 18 when my husband was in the military.
Yes, I know I was really young, I am well aware. He had no shame, watched porn next to me when I fell asleep, when I was out, at work, and even in front of me several times when he tried to get me to try it or to rub it in my face when got into an argument. I felt like I had signed a contract without reading the small caption, I was in distraught.
He was super detached and barely helped me during or after the pregnancy. He was a jerk towards me instead of being loving or even happy about our first-born. It was as if I was invisible. All he did was play video games and watch porn. He then started to pretend like we were ok and made me believe it as well. When my first born was a year and a half old my husband accidentally got me pregnant with my second child, which of course I will never see her as an accident because I love both my kids.
I cried and begged him to stay, told him I would do everything he pleased. He was cold and rejected me, treated me like I was a disease. I was depressed and went into labor early. I was all alone in the hospital for 3 days after I gave birth and when I got back home to my surprise, the woman he had met was sitting shamelessly on my couch. So I resided with my parents and I was depressed and immediately lost 14lbs within 2 weeks. God and my babies were my only strength and light. I felt like my world was crumbling before me.
My husband would text me mean things and even told me I was fat and ugly. I met a guy who made me feel nice and my husband found out about it and flipped. I rejected him and he went on to leaving that woman for another one that he met at his job. He was 25 and that woman was She was a nightmare and harassed me through text.
Anyway, to make this short, he left thay woman, I took him back like a dummy, and he went back to her and officially filed on May of I hope this nightmare ends soon. Love yourself and put your kids first. Your better off without him, cut all contact and let the healing begin, live isnt easy but your worth so much more x. I have been married to my husband for 23 years. I never believed that it would happen to me. My husband and I were so happy, until.
It all started in the month of September. I was hospitalized for kidney stones, found out I was pregnant with baby 5. My oldest being 22,19,2,1. I got sick had a nephrostomy tube inserted. Everyday after my husband started to change. He changed his job after working for 15 years, His new boss got him a iphon8 for company use, and gave him a lexus to drive also for company use.
At this point he started to change mire and more, he would be in his phone, that was all he cared about. He used to help me whenever he got home from work with our 2 babies. He started treating me bad. I was sick, and needed him very much but he drifted and swayed away. On the first week of October we got into a really bad argument, which he started.
I was so heartbroken. I cried and cried, and prayed to god for strength, and answers. On October 20, I woke up having really bad cramping pains, and spotting of blood. He left me home with my 2 babies, I was in so much pain. We got to the hospital and he started to act like he cared. I even asked him to leave the room where I was in. He left to the waiting room. I walked to the restroom sat down and then bam the placenta came out in the toilet. I screamed he ran in to check me at that very moment I stood up to shower, and I just collapsed.
He carried me inside, cleaned me up, and then took care of the our 2 babies.! He made me rest. He started to slowly try to communicate with me, but my heart was filled with bitterness. I hated him for everything that he had done to me.
In a Relationship with a Narcissist? A Guide to Narcissistic Relationships
I told him that he has a sickness of ours addiction and that he needs help. We continued to live in the same house, but we were more like roommates. I watched him every single day on his phone ari Tsing himself, to his sick satisfaction. I was admitted for 5 days. He had no choice but to stay home from work and take care of the babies. While at the hospital I received 2litres of blood transfusion, and my doctor finally removes the nephrostomy tube, and inserts a stent.
I got released on November I thanked the lord so much for healing me, guiding me, and for holding my hands when no one was there for me. As fir my husband he keeps trying to get my attention but I choose to give all my attention to my kids, and most especially god. I am relocating with my babies on January. I am over him. Looking forward to a bright and new year. It destroyed my marriage if 23 years. My soon to be ex-husband is still jacking himself off.
I will continue to pray for him and everyone out there who suffers from this sickness. Most especially to all the good women like myself around the world who suffer the sane situation that I have endured. Would just like to say you have my deepest sympathies for what you have gone through. Usually women will cheat because their man is being neglectful in some type of way. Do you think you were treating her good?
There is a reason why she cheated if it was just a fling she wanted to have or she thought you were cheating or neglecting her. My old man is a truck driver i call me sevser of times n ask what he doin ill mute him so i can hear what going ill hear talking ill unmute it n he well say no there n he say im lossing it.
U got to believe me bcs there is no one there. N i dont know what to he would video chat me n show me the truck wired would happen he say no there. N that no can be on the truck gotta have it okay. N he told me too call them they said the only rider that had a pass can he tell them not tell anyone.
Specifically bcs he think i would caughtch on bcs now he quite driving i meet him at flying jays. Im 28 n i have 2year thats austic been together for about 8 years found tons of dating site. Um his phone is always lock down. Where i cant into it. He says he loves me n that im the only he want in that. All I can really say Is trust your gut, your on a web site asking for help because you know something is wrong, not because your happy. There words that are said to reassure you and most likely try to keep you there with him.
Hes making your life miserable and hes ment to do the opposite. So, 2 weeks ago I found out my husband was cheating. He swears he never actually met up with anyone that it was all online…Weve been married for 14 years, have 2 children and hes been doing this for the last 3 years! Is it possible for him to stop? Can a marriage survive this? Always on his phone, so I looked. I found several things. Porno, e-mails and Skype. He told me last night we was going to bed early, so I went to bed with him and he never went to sleep. He was up at 2, and at 4 with his phone.
Mr Gibbs who happens to be my husband is a gentle and easy going. On so many occasions i see my husband smiling to his phones and i feel jealous ,and having cross guessed conscience on who he is smiling to,some times i ask him to let me see whats funny and he shows me skit. To my surprise,he was into my Canadian neighbor who just relocated,i saw their chats,nude videos,pictures and also their last location which i invaded with a police friend.
My boyfriend is 42 and I introduced him to my cousin that She not interested in him cause she has a husband. Mostly like everyday he mention her about me. Like last night my cousin wanted to talk to him I hand him the phone and he kept giggling and smiling and shaking his head. It seems like he was nervous to talk to her. He laughed when I tell him what she did in school that was funny. He brings up her more than any other girl. He ask me questions like when she coming to pick you up. Ask her for a cigarette. Where you guys go today. Your cousin and you are crazy bitches.
I comfront him he tells me no in a angry voice. I told him if you angry when I ask you something then you lying. Idk what to do about this. My husband cheated on me with several escorts for paSt few years but says only few months and he went to so many escorts at first wen he got caught he said he only went once and later he said 3 times so what do I belive??!! How do I know if his not gna do the same with me again?
How do I know how many women he went with? There was no physical contact from him no touching the women or the women touching him, he had no feelings 4 them he said but even so how do I know his not lying and how do I know If his slept with the women? How do I know If he did or not,? Cos he swears he never evn touched them!! I need to get over it pls help me???
You know as I am reading this I am thinking I am a recovering addict! And let me tell you something you most certainly know what you are saying and doing. However it takes the guilt away and you are just high on life. When he is coming down I guarantee you there is remorse but it will happen again and many times over as long as you deal with it.
Escorts are for sex honey. Escorts are not like you see on the movies just a date or someone to talk to it is for sex. But going to another person for emotional or physical intimacy is still cheating. While on holiday last year in my partners hometown I found him behind a closed door with a woman who he got to know over a previous visit that worked at the hotel. I confronted him and he got angry we had an argument , when we got home I noticed he was sending emails to her.. Every morning he wakes up early for work and uses the bathroom and takes his phone in with him, when he comes back from work he goes straight to the toilet and takes the phone in with him and stays in there for at least 40 minutes- an hour.
Whenever he comes home from somewhere he does the same thing. When I confront him he gets emotionally and physically abusive and makes me feel like the crazy one. My mom gave me some really wise advice when I was only 16yr old. By that time, accept the fact that you are in fact right in your instincts. Call him out and leave. My husband left his Facebook account open by mistake on my phone. I noticed that he had looked at one of the notifications and the first notification was on his birthday. I waited a few days before I said anything. He said it was an old app that he used when his ex left him which had been renamed.
After our little discussion, I noticed his profile magically deactivated and no more notifications. But he had the nerve to tell me I overreacted. Here is my story. My partner has been my only serious adult relationship. We have been together for 6 years, we have 3 kids under 5 together and he is 9 years older than me with previous relationship experience.
She started it and it was innocent but I caught it very early days. I feel like why would he reply how can he be happy to talk to some 1 else and not me. When I confronted him about the message he said nothing and after I bugged him I got that he was insulted that I thought their was something wrong with it. Since then he has deleted the messages so I know he knows how to delete his tracks.
I have no definite proof. These signs are true facts I even asked him if he cheated he says no I would never do that , lies when we were Separated 2 months he was on all these chatlines talking with other women , he lied that he has Herpes , and lied about the steroids! Evening my husband cheated and i think now hes inlove. Every time we fight i endup feeling guilty i want to fix my marriage and want ny husband to be the man he was but hes sidechic has him wrapped around her finger. Things were sio good i dont knw how we ended up here and i dnt like his new friends because since he net them all thus began to happen.
Four weeks ago my husband just waked through the door , he came to sit down. I asked him how his day went, at that point his phone rang, his face said it all I asked him are you not answering that call, he replied its work. I said it maybe important, he picked the phone up and started heading for the kitchen. I told him to take it in the sitting room id be quite. He sort of hovered in the hallway unsure of what to do.
I heard her say will you miss me? The call went on for a few minutes but I could tell my husband was very uneasy doing his best to end the call. He ended the call I asked him who it was? He told me Sarah green from work the nut job. Why is she phoning you?
That night I got a message via fb telling me my husband been having affair for two years. But I noticed one that said Health and safety but then underneath I saw her email address. I then noticed there were two numbers one work number one private. Lucky for me his contract his in my name, I asked the provider for copies of bills I started looking through. The numbers for textx,emails and phone. He told me it was just a working relationship but he never used her works number just private.
He was on holiday with me and our son and he was still calling her for 20mins at a time at 8. The futher I looked back the more calls and texts. I asked him not to lie to me and be honest, he screamed and shouted at me bang his fists. Saying if anyone is having affair its you. I was hurt I knew enough to work.
I asked him to leave he refused to go, I went upstairs and packed a suit cases he throw it on the floor. He seemed to be getting a kick out of hurting me. He refused I asked again, he said if yiu want them come and get them. I tried to upzip his coat and he started pushing me and grabbbing me I pushed back and caught his cheek with my nail. He went nuts screaming at me punching me and grabbing me round neck.
I was heartbroken I got on my mobility scooter and he threatened to call police on me for making him bleed. I came home and I tried to ask him without blowing up what the hell was going on. He called me crazy and nuts and he hated me. I told him it was time to call it quits after 26 years of marriage. He had so much hate for me.. I said does she know the names you and the other health and safety called her, to say you admire her so much.
They call her nut job and brain dead. They laid her off friday. He tried to touch me the over day before things got out of hand. I think it was his way of trying to convince he nothing was happening. While starting foreplay he hurt me very badly causing me to bleed for days he scratched all inside me. I begged him to stop but he just carried on.. I just cried and rolled on my side and asked why you did that, hus reply was its not my fault my nails are long.
He got very nasty and stormed off. Last night I saw more back dated phone bills. Unfortunately I have very poor mobility and take many meds because of my spinal injury. I deserve to be happy and so. You can forgive the affair but not the abuse, mind games and terror I live under, I left him 5 years ago for domestic abuse, unfortunately not one person believed me.
He faked having a breakdown and shutter so people felt sorry for him. Putting up with a disable wife who he cares for. It was nerve pain. I asked if he could wait unntil tomorrow. He lost it and grabbed hold of me round the neck and just kept punching me with our son watching who was 5 at the time. Just a few years before I ended up breaking my back, that night I was rushed for surgery.
I ended up signing myself out of hospital so my husband could return to work. Our relationship be been bad for a longtime.
I was able to get extensive amounts of therapy over the years and I continue to get therapy when I get overwhelmed. Therapy was what made me see my inner strength. Those toxic relationships takes a piece of your soul and the only way to get some of it back is to seek some help. Do some reflecting and journal. Sounds like you dont have a lot of support and you definitely need some support so hopefully you will gain some from this site. I am not sure if you are able to go to therapy or even utilize phone therapist google that.
My prayers are with you and your family because this is not an easy battle to fight. I got upset on valentines day and cut up the flowers. I turblant year last yr with my mum dying in the summer. I went through my depression cave, he had temper when i didnt do a few things in the house. Last few weeks he goes to a hit class ladies only man. He took his ring off at the gym a few times thinking its ok. He had a lot of stress at work. He wants to burn it off the stresses. He telling me hes not cheating. But i am unsure what was going on. My friends think he is. I just dont know?
Or is it a Midlife crises. I felt like a maid cleaner and the childcarer for my baby and my 5 yr old in the house not much support. I did accuse him of cheating. Lady, I am a husband who is being accused of cheating right now. My wife reads this article and takes it as the gospel with little regard to context. I have been accused for year of cheating with her best friend. I am overly frustrated with her accusations as anyone would be if you were falsely accused hundreds of times, approached with aggression, arguments, etc. Per your article if I get upset that she continues to lie on my I am not to be angry, frustrated, etc.
Your writing is dangerous giving people false senses of what is true. People are reading this as doctrine and not understanding that this list is not all inclusive and not always representative of a situation. There are other factors at play that you FAIL to mention. I can see how frustrated you would be if you are being accused for something you are NOT doing. In my case, this article is spot on, unfortunately. I have caught my husband cheating.
Just one of many. When asked about this — he gets angry. So the female intuition and the signs — spot on. We have a great sex life — no reason for him to be wandering. So what do you make of that? I know this was posted a while ago. Some woman are just the paranoid jealous type. I have a Freind that is crazy always accusing her husband of stuff and he could glance at a woman and she will be all over him. You being on here is kinda like ooookkk why do u feel angered by this site? Why would you take the time to write us that is def going above and beyond. The real question is why do men cheat on there wife when my life revolves around my husband?
If they are unhappy why are we here? If I find out at all my husband is cheating on me it will be the hardest thing I will ever do but he is gone. It will keep happening as long as you are ok with being second best. There are ways to get help if u are in an abusive relationship.
No apology or action will sway me I will walk out that door and never come back like I said it will be the hardest thing I ever do. But ladies go with your gut!!! If he has an emotional connection with someone online this is still cheating! My husband cheated me more than three times. I snooped on his phone and saw that he enquired from his niece the number of one of the woman he cheated me with. I snooped further and saw he also have the number of another woman he cheated me with after I deleted it myself.
He never tells me I look beautiful or is interested in what I do. If I do not tell him how my day was he will not ask. He is often away due to work obligations and he recently came back from a trip and all of a sudden ask me who ever told me that he likes chicken drumsticks?
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He also changed the way he makes his coffee. And so I can go on 6. What confuses me is that when he is home he is never out. He always stays with me and the kids. He is mostly on his phone and tablet when I am in bed. I sometimes get up softly and enters the living room after I went to bed to find him on the phone or tablet. I have been in a relationship with my man for quite sometime now and I never knew he was Cheating at least I never saw anything till some few months before we ended when he was always a laughing on his phone.
I got advice to get help from blackrazor protonmailcom who helped hack his phone and I got proof to take actions. Try him out he is literally the best out there. Thank you for indulging, but I give updates. So I want to thank my sister, for confirming my worst fears. Photos of him in Disney World, on planes, him dancing at a wedding and lip and tongue locking this whore!
My family live klms away, I cant tell them. I am in the same boat. My husband is very careful of how he speaks to me in public with most people. He will shoot me down in front of his mother and others in his family. But not in cocles where his psuedo personality is more familiar to other people. He is vicious to me. Completely not anle to see how he is hurting me and we have three children.
If I left I would be blamed as the one who broke up the family and he would definitly foster that belief into them. He would also screw mw royaly Im sure of it. Heafter 15 years of marriage he still refuses to put my name on our house. When we went for our closing something happened where we had to put just his name to close the deal. And any time i ask he says. Im not paying someone ti add your name. A pool, a finished basement…. The worst part for me is the psycological abuse and torment.
He twists everything that I say and Always has to have center stage. Im never hearing him according to him , yet he NEVER lets me say anything without cutting me off, correcting me, getting angry. He always has to be right and then twists it that hes not that way. He plays himself different in front of other people saying nice things about me as though he has admiration for me. I was interrupti g his sleep. I had to have my mom come bring me to the hospital. He stayed home sleeping. It was gas but I had never know a chest pain so bad and Im a 48 year old woman with three children who depend on me.
Another time I had a scary test for a lung xray. I was so freaked out and scared he acted like there was something wrong with me and ignored me. We had two sets of pastors and several therapists tried to help. Futile, hes a good performer. The last councelor saw right through his bullshit and called him out on some stuff. He never wants to ho back to him.
Says its a waste of time. Im up at 2: That might tell yiu alot about how much pain I am in. Get out, get out, get out!! I did it — same situation as yours. You will be strong enough to fight and gain custody, should this issue arise. All the very best — it can be done. Took me years and years — but I am free. This in hopes that Jorge will reply. His is the only post I have seen from an admitted Narc. Jorge, I am curious as to when and how you realized you had NPD and how it made you feel.
What your thoughts and actions were and whether you have come to terms with it. This sounds like I couldhave wrotethis almost word for word. My husband and I have been Married 11 years and I feel so so alone. He will do evervything in his power not to spend Quality timewithme or evenhave sex withme. I dontknow what else to do. Inever linked it to narciccissitc before but maybe ontosomething.
I just want to say that I have experienced so much of what is being discussed here. I especially want to say to Broken that I feel her pain. My N husband passed away a few months ago. Not only was he extremely verbally abusive at times, he had a drug problem that he tried to keep hidden. He could blow up at the least little thing and make a terrible scene, but he also was so lovable in the family and at church. The relationship suffered and my love for him grew cold because I have never even heard anyone say some of the crushing things he said to me.
As a Christian, I tried to forgive him as Christ has forgiven me, and at times, I do believe he was truly sorry but it was never going to stop completely. He fought the rage, but his diabetes and total dependence on pain medications and all made it very difficult. We did enjoy some things together and he did a lot of handiwork and woodworking around the house, maybe to make up for the bad stuff. He was very talented on the guitar and creating his own songs and he won my heart so quickly.
If you have much invested in the relationship and especially for your children maybe find a way to endure and pray for God to give you strength and peace. And pray that God will change his heart. He really will hear your prayers and answer. Go to Him in prayer when you need to escape.
Go for a walk, take a drive, take the kids to visit the grandparents. I raised my kids in a 20 year marriage that was very lonely. So I know the pain you feel Broken. I could not take a risk of him trying to take the kids so I stayed until they were old enough to decide for themselves. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could help in some way. Trust God and He will be with you and show you the way. Dani, I know exactly what you mean. I know i had a mother who is very narcissist and very insecure.
I, however, do not believe i am insecure. Where, i am going with this is, my one and only just broke up with me today. There were numerous times in the relationship that he told me that he is more right than ever wrong. BUt now i feel like i am inadequate and not worthy of the very one person that meant the most to me and i felt that i could learn a lot from him. He did think about things and how it would effect me from time to time and worked to change those things.
I just am no longer happy and felt like i was always walking on egg shells around him too. Then it turned into a situation where is tried breaking up with me several times only to take it back the next morning or get me to make the decision for him. Then he tells me things in the same conversation only to say he never said that all in the same conversation. Everything i say is an argument to him. He tells me i wanted everything my way, but i really think i wanted it him to meet me in the middle.
I know what you mean about being on egg shells. I take full responsibility for that. In the beginning i knew i how to handle him. Then when i learned more and more about him and everything became harder and it was like no matter which way i stepped, i was never good enough. Plus all the assumptions he had about me in the beginning only goes to show you he wanted to be right so bad. In the end, i am sure i have some narcissist ways as well. I work on those things already, because i know what they are especially when you come from the only woman role model in your life who showed you how to do things the wrong way instead of right.
I chose to take that as a positive and make better choices. It has done wonders for me since growing up. I guess i never felt so insecure until i met this guy and got to know him further. He is not a bad person, he just thinks he is God. I never got confused about things until i could no longer get things right, ever. It felt like a game to me. He said everything i did was a game to him. I am a woman. I have a want for higher learning and purpose in life.
I work hard to get there. I am not there yet, but i will be. I will remember this instance to know that i will work hard to not step on people in the future because of what it feels like. In situations like these, i cannot say it is all him or all me. You tried to establish effective communication. That is you working towards positive outcomes. Relationships are hard and require work. You were trying to do the work and it sounds like you were being undermined. Your partner had an agenda. How could a reasonable person understand if ridiculed and cut off when seeking clarity? Misery no end if you ask me, self doubt, frustration, insecurity and on and on.
Just let him go. Love yourself a little…start right now today. I too learned what they are after a very painful and confusing experience with one. The worst is that my father was one for sure, and even though I always tried to chose men very different from him I still managed to fall for one. They can be very charming and draw you in and make you feel very special and important to them. But they do this in order to extract Narcissistic Supply -ie rub their ego all the time.
There is a condition related to Narcissism called Avoidant Attachement. It is beyond frustrating. I have a tendancy to make N friends. I realize that they are extremely good at attracting people into their social circle probably because their needs include constant attention. I looked around the room and all the guests were nice people who would probably be too shy to have a group of people over themselves and were happy to be out for the evening.
Without N friends I sit around the house and make posts like this. I am trying to make at least one thing happen for myself each day that does not feed an N person. I realize I have almost no balanced relationships and am scared of them due to low self — esteem. I believe practicing in small ways will help to form more balanced long term friendships and relationships.
I would encourage others like me to do the same. It makes not a bit of sense!!! You keep going back for more and more, inexplicably!!! I will tell you why I believe it is so hurtful to us why they do not care…. It is just not part of who they are and they will never, EVER change!!!
No matter how many times we explain ourselves, or pour out our hearts TO DEATH, and even try to put things in as simple as terms possible, it is as if we are speaking an entirely different language! And it is sad, so sad, because it sucks the life out of you the more you fight it.
It is a battle that cannot be won. The pain comes from not understanding why you are made to constantly feel wrong by the N. The pain will subside once your break the pattern of returning for more heartbreak. Believe me, I was and am there. Nothing will heal you except time. You need to let go of trying to understand why they behave the way they do, because the answer is that they are narcissists.
Hi Bertie, thank you so much for your post, you explained what I am feeling so well! We have two boys, 11 and 6. I came to live in my husband country on the other side of the globe leaving everything behind, I have been here for 8 years now. Its been VERY lonely I have learned the language and I have adapted and let go of the need to go back to live in my country Mom, Dad, Brothers sisters, cousin, grandparents, everyone is there. He never showed empathy for my sadness, Its been very hard for me but somewhat I got used to it, I never talk about my country or my family, it is just something I have make myself somewhat forget.
I decided about 6 moths ago I was going to make this marriage happier and that I was going to be happy so I could make my family happy. So I been trying to be a better wife and mother, I have been focusing on my family like never before, I have been much calmer and understanding with my husband and I have definitely been trying to give him all the love I use to keep inside out of resentfulness for his lack of empathy. Two weeks ago I found out he is having an affair with a married woman at work. I spend one week trying to pick up my pieces to have the strength to confront him so I did, he was calm and told me, yes it is truth, so what?
For him every argument is a competition. Anyway, I am in the middle of this mess now and very afraid to loose him, since I can see that the texting with that woman is still going on and he is at work right now. I will keep reading post after post until I can find the strenth I need, so far reading all of your words is the only thing that keeps me balanced. These kids may never get married live another year.. Walk on a beach.. Find the strength believe in yourself again … This is all just a test … A beautiful 27 year beautiful girl was killed in a car accident last week..
I try so carefully to address this topic with my wife. Trying to get her to understand and empathize with me. Trying to get her to speak with someone, because her judgement is compromised when it comes to the kids. But she always becomes defensive, then turns the conversation around to me, blaming me. And when discussing her activities she feels totally justified.
No remorse, no guilt, no shame, no sorrow! This is such a great response. Narcissists typically target sensitive caring people. People go back because they are trying to find the mask the narc wore when they first met them. The mask seemed so real. It must be in there somewhere inside the head of the narcissist. Find it and tell it there is this other evil sick human being inside their bodies and that I want to help the mask figure out how to conquer it.
All in the hopes that the mask will finally be the one in charge and the sick twisted empathy-challenged selfish other will be relegated to a dark recess of their mind. Losing out on a narcissistic relationship is like having your significant other die. You want to mourn this beautiful person because they are gone.
The person I loved who loved me back so dearly! How can you mourn your lover when you see them every day? Imagine knowing your mother, or sibling died. But then you see your mother or sibling at the mall and you are elated and want to run and hug them but then they scoff at you and treat you like shit and tell everyone around them that you are not their son or daughter. You are my daughter. Narcissists are extremely destructive because of this. The mask they use is perfect. It is exactly what you want and need. You fall in love, and the mask pretends to fall in love with you.
In its place is this other thing that is clearly not your partner. I see her using this masks on new supplies. Would I really turn it down if the mask ever comes back to talk to me? In the relationship I was in with my exN, he was my best friend, he loved me in a way I had never dreamed anyone would. We had future plans and did things together all the time.
He told everyone that he was going to marry me, even took me to look at rings. Then 3 weeks ago, the day after Valentines day, we were spending the wekend together. Out of the blue he just started criticizing me, speaking to me in a way I had never seen from him EVER.
I started to cry and he got more and more angry… eventually turning very abusive just short of physical. I had taken cold medication and something to help me calm down from the panic attack I had while he was raging at me. The more I cried the angrier he got. He actually pushed me out of his house in my nightgown , it was after midnight, there was a foot of snow on the ground and the roads were very icy.
He tossed my keys out the door at me and the closed the door and looked at me through blinds. That talk never happened… instead I found him with an EX of his, that he had badmouthed to the extreme. I was crushed, but once I found out about the other woman I felt more anger than sadness because beforeI knew about the other woman, he tried to place all the blame on me for what happened, and I was agonizing over what I had done wrong.
Going over and over it in my head. Later, that night i called his cell and SHE answered. Another kick to the face!! I was furious, what a coward! BUT I Grieve constantly for the love and my best friend that disappeared over night. He has hurt me deeper than I believe I have ever hurt. I have to find a way for my heart to accept what my mind knows. I cry everyday for the loss of what I love so dearly. This man could not care less about the horrific pain he has caused. Hope I can stay strong and resist if that mask ever comes back to talk to me. My girlfriend informed me yesterday by BB that our 1 yr relationship was over The reason being that I did not agree to rent a car for her — I did not agree because she does not have a full licence nor insurance yet she wanted me to rent it in my name whatever the consequences for me.
And I found the car-rental response form her a bit extreme! I am 46 with a good career, professional, own business, academic-practitioner, nice house, big dreams, two lovely well-balanced girls from my marriage. She is 29, single mother with three children, and lots of courage, grit, determination to improve her life.
She was so supportive of me, proud of my career, took a lot of interest in what I did, my children etc. I was not even that concerned when she told me to BB her all the time to let her know where I was, what I was doing, when I got home safe etc. I found it endearing that she seemed to care so much. We would BB each other all the time. We would talk all the time too — it was all very obsessive. I got frustrated that we would agree to meet and then it would not quite happen, or she would be late But I put this down to her culture and would make excuses for her.
She made it clear that whilst there was no rush, she wanted me to put a ring on her finger with a bigger diamond then the one I had given my first wife that she wanted us to get married in Jamaica, have a house together with her kids, have a baby before she was35, set up a business together and so on. She wanted to meet my parents when she was ready but sometimes got annoyed when I would spend time with my children to the point of jealousy. More recently she had cosmetic surgery again — she is a size 10 anyway but insisted on spending her money on liposuction etc.
I even went to the hospital to look after her and care for her. She was pleased I was there she was in so much pain. As beautiful as she was in my eyes she insisted she had to do all this to make her feel better. Its taken her a few months to get herself back to feeling normal and recover and during that time I would see her but she would not want to go out. She wanted for nothing from me — nice clothes and shoes that she chose, handbags, breaks to Paris, new washing machine. I have helped her out with her children, I bought her the puppy she wanted…there was nothing I would not do for her if I had the money and the means to help I would.
How Do You Know If Your Husband Will Cheat on You?
Whenever we went our I paid for everything. She got so angry with me one night because I told her the route to the car park from the mall was one way and she insisted it was another I was right. But she shouted and screamed at me in the car all the way to her house, told me that how dare I think she was stupid and act the big man, that she was going to throw out all the gifts that I had bought her and then deleted me from her BB and told me we were over.
The next day she calmed down and we were back together again. There were good days and bad days and it changed from day to day. I never quite knew what version of her I was going to get. But we would BB and speak to each other every day and as from the early days I would always let her know when I was home safe. That was tough to take. She made me feel very very guilty and useless. It seemed that everything I had ever done for her was forgotten.
However we started to overcome this setback and I thought we were getting back on track. The past month has been pretty good. We would still BB each other every day and more recently she would phone me several times every day to see how I was. And I would do the same. We were back on track and getting closer again after her surgery.
But there was a sense at the back of my mind that something had changed. More and more it seemed I could not do the right thing. She told me I was not treating her right even though I was buying her nice things. More and more she said I was dumb, stupid, made fun of me in front of her children and encouraged them to do the same. I started to feel useless, lose confidence and felt like I was treading on eggshells most of the time. And then last week. On Tuesday after Easter we went out for the first time in months.
She said I was not buying her nice things the week before so we went to the mall and I bought her what she wanted and we then went for dinner to one of her favourite restaurants. Again all my treat. She asked me if I was still going to Jamaica with her in July. We talked about the future and we had a nice time. But I knew as soon as she told me that I was probably 24 hours away from being seen as dumb again. And so back to the beginning of this posting. I realised I could not sort the car rental out for her because it was illegal and would have got her and me in very hot waters.
And so I sensed sex would be off the agenda too. She called me and said she would soon be sending me a BB message. That message was disgusting and hurtful. She told me how useless I was, that she gave up on me and because I was not going to help her with the car rental she was going to have sex with her Ex that night because she was horny and I would not be needed in that department again!
She had broken me. She upset me terribly We spoke that night she did not have sex with her ex! She told me it was over. I was no use to her anymore. Friday night I emailed her the reason why I had not agreed because she had clearly not understood the full implications for her and for me. But she did not care one bit. She said the email was pointless, I had wasted my time and none of it got through to her. She was not bothered in the slightest. As far as she was concerned I had again let her down and had not done what she wanted.
In her mind I was now worthless. Reading all the postings today and more on the web I now realise what a narcissist she is. I feel I have been emotionally abused and all the signs suggest she is a narcissist and may indeed suffer from NPD. She has a history of depression in her family so I do not know if this is connected.
I realise as I am writing this she has long forgotten about me and could not care how I feel about all this. But I realise after all the research how unlikely that all is and how I could not ever take her back, because it looks like I have a had a lucky escape. I realise she has a low self esteem and needs to surround herself with material goods and gifts that make her feel good.
That she uses her looks and her body to feel somehow worthy because she feels she has nothing else to offer. That she cannot love me because she can only love herself. That the beautiful caring person I fell in love with was just a mask and that as we have got closer and closer she has got more fearful and her mask has finally slipped now that we are well beyond the honeymoon period.
That the dream of getting married, living together and building a better life was just a dream for her and could have turned into a nightmare for me. I was moved to tears reading your comments. And no one who has not been with a Narc would understand. You miss the person you thought they were.. Like part of you is dying… Thank you for sharing your experience.
I was left by a narc and the sad thing is I tried to leave him 3 times prior to me being dumped. I felt so lonely at the time and it was always on and off three times during our relationship.
Ed Sheeran talks about substance abuse and his accident
Just out of the blue he told me not to call him again. I have lost my trust. Me too, Bertie and all the guys. She drove me mad and I nearly lost myself. This worked for me: I wrote down every incident I could remember when I felt bad with her. There were lots of bad times. Every time I become nostalgic about her I read that list to remind myself what a nightmare she really was and still is No point focusing on the good times when there was so much bad.
Would you eat a meal with a dog-turd in it? So false and so sad. Go out with a different woman. It will clear your brain and there are so many good women out there. As the song goes: I just got out of a relationship of two years where I was constantly fighting with my girlfriend because I kept catching her cheat and lie and no matter if I caught her in her lies she still refused to tell me the truth even though I would demand an answer. One time I caught her lying and after an hour of asking and pleading that she tell me the truth she still denied it and made excuses for herself.
Never will I let someone hurt me that way. I too had a nacissitic husband of 20 years then dated a narcissist after my divorce before I figured out what a narcissist is. They can be very charming. But the reason people keep going back to someone they know is wrong for them is oxytocin. This is a chemical the brain releases that makes us have a bond with a person. There are times a person flooded with oxytocin: You have to go cold turkey.
They only want to fill their narcissistic need and do not care about you. You solely exist to meet their needs and when you are not filling their cup they quickly move on to someone who will. You can be sure they will come back to test to see if you will fill their cup again but will not accept responsibility for any wrong doing. Research oxytocin and realize the science behind the attraction. It is an addiction!!! Holy moly did I need to find this website today… Let me tell you, I broke up with him 3 weeks ago but allowed myself to be contacted by him after that several times and I felt myself being drawn back in….
I am agree with you I had this for 20 years! I met this nasty man but he was charming and his voice and he knew how to talk. Maybe only for some FUN. I need to remember this. I recently went back to my n for 4 months it was an emotional affair only, he once again proclaimed of his undying love for me, his soul mate, love of his life.
He had plans to relive the past awesome relationship we once had. But then changed his mind and ended the relationship immediately stating he had made a big mistake. I once again went into my n coma anxiety, depression and lethargy. It also give me a sigh of relief to know this person is a miserable wreck and tormented everyday just living in his own cesspool of pity.
I kept falling for this. Possibly because your attach to a certain feeling about the person. Only you know what that true feeling is or you may have to discover it. It all boils down to being conscious of your inner self. I am with a guy whowho cannot express himself. Who thinks his naked presence is just going to do it for me. He doesnt tell me I look nice or ask me how I am.
I only discovered this guy who plays the poor me scenario every time we go out for dinner and doesnt buy anything. There is no feeling of appreciation for what I do for him. I have not wanted to break up because I fell for the dream. I i wanted him to be it. I am stronger number now knowing what I know and I will reach my end and need alot of counsel to be able to have a healthy relationship. Hi guys im a 14 year victim. Of the worst kind of narcissist, a bipolar one, each character has its own disorder, psychopath, sociopath,so on and so on..
I have become anorexic, and look like im on crack. Im trying to get out butshe wont llet me go.. Run for your life! Live in a homeless shelter if you have to. FORCE yourself to run away from her. Nick I am 55 yrs old. Your on your death bed and you KNOW it was her that killed you.